I feel strange | gothgrrrl's Blog

I just came home from the cinema. I watched Sweeney Todd. Tim Burton is may favourite director and I was SO looking forward to that movie and it was good. It wasn't 100% brilliant like Nightmare Before Christmas or Corpse Bride but it was very good. Great actors, great settings, great costumes, the music was nice but not 100% my thing. Great lyrics, wonderful rhymes but the melodies were not that great. Anyway, a good movie. I'm still in love with Tim Burton.

What I feel strange about is something else. And that's nothing I actually ever wanted to write about. Because ... I doubt that anyone will take it seriously... and I can understand it becuse I write that sort of stuff all the time and things change all the time and ... well. Suppose I sound a little ... under the weather sometimes.

Anyway. Because this feeling decided to stay for quite some time and has been occupying my head quite frequently I decided to write about it anyway. It's what's going on with me and that's what I write about on here... So... I've been having holidays for a little less than three weeks now. And I thought I'd be going crazy missing Holger. But no, I'm not. I almost forgot him. Of course in the last time I had enlist in some courses in university and I'm praying that I'll get into Holgers course for the next semester, but that's not my primary thought. I'm occupied with someone else.

He's my Russian lecturer. He's 60. And I can't stop thinking about him. I think I wrote some times that I'm getting on with him really well. And that I was always enjoying flirting with him a little, it's always been great fun. But also apart from that he's a really kool person. And so we were writing some e-mails and he sent me some stuff to read and we phoned and ... well I really grew to like him but I never thought I'd fall in love with him. And I didn't want to. And so I just told myself that I hadn't fallen in love with him. But in those last two weeks I only thought about him and the thoughts grew and grew and grew until I finally couldn't tell myself that I didn't think them and ... now I KNOW I feel way too much for him.

And what's it again...? It's frustrating. One more time I'm helplessly, aimlessly and hopelessly in love with someone I can't have.

And I fucking hate my assignment. +bash+