Good news... | gothgrrrl's Blog

I don't really understand why I feel like I feel...

I had some really good news this week. My lecturer had corrected my assignment and he wanted to go it through with me. So I went there and was really scared. I had to wait about half an hour and got only more anxious the whole time and in the end ... my lecturer said that my assignment was one of the three good ones (we're 34 or something in the class and I have one of the three good ones ... that's crazy!) and if I improved some more things I could get an A for it. And that was really completely unexpected and I was SO happy. And I started to work yesterday because I don't really need to get the A but I definitely want a B and so I'll work a little more...

And what's also very good... my psychiatrist cut my meds again and I'm only taking a very small amount and tomorrow I'll even stop that and so far I feel okay with that. And there were some smaller things around me happening that gave me a really good feeling... but still I feel strange today. I'm going to a concert of one of my favourite bands on the 5ths of April and I've always felt anxious about concerts though I love them and well ... I'm worrying about that all the time... that pisses me off cause there isn't really anything to worry about. But still I keep worrying. I hate that.

Yesterday I got really drunk. It wasn't because I wanted to drown problems or something... I just felt an alarmingly big longing to drink alcohol and have some fun. And I really can do that quite happily on my own. I downloaded some very funny scenes of my favorite TV-show and drank a lot and I was having really a lot of fun. And I didn't know I had drunk that much because of all the fun I was having - I usually know when to stop. But still I ended up feeling very bad and puking on the bathroom floor. Which wasn't really funny... I showered at three am and today I have know idea why the hell I did that... And I'm very happy no one caught me...

Now it's Easter. Some relatives coming over ... hate that but well... I'll have to stand it. Wish you all a Happy Easter.