Banana Chips covered in white Chocolate rule | gothgrrrl's Blog

Another day done I suppose. I feel strange. Actually I had a fine day. I had Russian from 9 to 10 and I always like that though it can be quite hard at times if you're not on guard. Then I had four free lessons but that was alright because some time I spend with some people from my Russian class having fun and some time I spent working in the library cause I still have to finish my assignment and it feels good to know that I got something done today. Then I bought two books I need for the "Methods of Cultural Sciences" and read something in them and in the café I met a student whom I talked with for a while. And then I had another seminar with a really kool lecturer, really kool people and well, just funny. And then I went home. Actually nice.

What's the reason why I feel bad... I guess it's this: I'm crushing on my Russian lecturer and my mood is totally dependant on him. I start the day with him and if he's in a good mood and if I can joke with him and if I feel like he likes me just a little ... then I feel good the rest of the today. Today it wasn't like he ignored me or something but it just wasn't ... like I wanted it to be. It wasn't like yesterday... well and because I wanted more of yesterday... Something I don't understand about myself is this: I know that he is married. I know he has a daughter. Those things are all in my head. Today we were talking about the fact that in the Russian language the word "shopping" doesn't exist in the sense that you just walk around and look for stuff. Well and there was a girl in our class who grew up in Russia and she said "I always say kupits" and then he said: "My wife does so too..." and I felt myself fall... I read something in a book ... it was something like... you know that you're gonna die. Your brain knows it. But you don't feel it. It never reaches your heart until you really are dying. I guess that's just the same... Well, on more chance tomorrow. That's the good thing... I see him four days a week... always another chance.

I'm eating banana chips with white chocolate. That's so delicious.

So tomorrow ... Russian and then Holger. Can't be anything but great. Only three hours of university. Then I just have to go to the seminar and copy something by Caesar and then I got a free weekend. :) Great great great.