Anxiety is my best friend | gothgrrrl's Blog

God, I'm feeling bad.

I had that experience last weekend where I was really struck down by panic attacks because I was together with some people. Saturday I was out again with some other people and there I was alright so I blamed it on all the people I didn't know and didn't like that were there when I had the attacks. This weekend a new friend from university invited me to come over. And I said yes. Though I know that it will be practially the same. There will be lots of people I don't know and some I don't like. Why the hell did I say yes? Because I like her and because I want to make new friends and because I'm happy she asked me. But now I get SO scared that I'll get a panic attack again that I can't stop thinking about it.

And those people who know panic attacks will know two basic things:

1. Selffulfilling prophecies. If you think you'll have a panic attack, you WILL have a panic attack (I'm a MASTER at that!)

2. Fearing fear is the worst you can do. If you don't do things because you're scared you will be too scared... then that's a step into nothingness

Just... I'm SO scared and now people will maybe think that it can't be THAT worse... but IT IS. It's the worst emotional torture I've ever experienced. And I wish I could just have a calm weekend without anything like that... should I cancel ...? I don't know... I want to be different but I just know the panic attack will come and I don't want to have it... I can't think about anything else and it makes me so miserable...